1) How do you usually feel when someone you're close to is upset with you?

Anxious and eager to calm them, even if I don’t know what I did wrong.

Like I must have said or done something wrong, so I try to do what they’re wanting, quickly.

Responsible for their upset, and the urge to do something to fix it.

Frustrated and unsettled—I want them to also see what they did wrong so this doesn’t happen again.

2) When making plans with a partner, friend, or family member, how do you tend to show up?

I go along with what they want—it’s easier that way.

I wait to hear what they’re feeling up for and try to get excited for it, too.

I think about what they need and make sure it’s taken care of.

I take the lead—someone has to make sure it all runs smoothly.

3) What’s your first instinct when someone you care about is struggling emotionally?

To listen and stay silent or try to say the right thing to make it better.

To try to guess and be the kind of support they may want in that moment.

To jump in and help them work on the thing that’s causing them to emotionally struggle.

To offer advice, solutions, or a clear plan to help them move forward from this.

4) In dating, what often makes you feel safe or connected?

Knowing the other person really likes me and wants me in their life.

Feeling like we’re emotionally in sync and have matching values.

Being the one they feel they can trust and turn to when life gets hard.

Knowing where I stand with them and that they appreciate my point of view.

5) How do you tend to respond when someone disagrees with your opinion?

I second-guess myself and consider changing my mind.

I shift my tone or wording so we don’t end up in conflict.

I wonder if they’re okay emotionally and try to smooth it over by doing something nice after.

I try to explain my perspective more clearly or offer facts to back it up.

6) Your best friend calls and is stressed. What’s your default reaction?

I listen as long as they need and try to say all the right, supportive things—even if I’m tired.

I instinctively take in and try to be what they need in that emotional state.

I start offering help, come up with solutions, and ask if they need me to take something on.

I come up with a plan or strategy of how they could approach the issue.

7) How do you feel about being the one who sets boundaries or says "no"?

I struggle with fearing it will disappoint them and often avoid it altogether.

I hesitate—I don't want to feel disconnected or high maintenance.

I feel guilty when I do it, so I only do it if I’m completely depleted.

I set them but feel mean because nobody respects them and I get upset over it.

8) When there's relational tension (even unspoken), what do you notice in yourself?

I feel scared I’m doing something wrong and that they’ll dislike me now.

I forget how I was feeling and try to be exactly what the other person needs.

I try to stay even closer and ease their load throughout the day.

I feel urgency to scan for the problem and fix it, like I must’ve screwed up.

9) How do you typically feel about being the one in charge of something that affects others?

I’d rather someone else do it—I get decision anxiety.

I ask what others want before I choose anything, afraid to disappoint.

I often take charge and handle it all so no one else gets overwhelmed.

I end up in this role all the time, probably because I’ll do it right.

10) What do you tend to sacrifice the most in your relationships?

My own desires and preferences to keep them happy.

My identity or opinions to feel accepted and aligned.

My energy and well-being in the name of caring for others.

My rest or ease because I feel responsible for everything.

Ready to find out your Range of Codependency Type?

Let’s get started: