As The People-Manager, you are here to step into your full self-attunement, while cultivating empowering compassion and personal stability in relationships that allow you to become emotionally held, and model for you how to bond through vulnerability, dignity and witnessing, even as issues and needs arise for others.

As you transform into a deepening version of The Self-Attuner, you’ll begin to channel your innate intelligence and passion into being in soft awareness with your own emotional experiences, using your own unique gifts, wisdom and resilience to relate in the world from a place of deep-rooted sovereignty, rather than attempting to manage every need, situation or problem in the lives of those around you as if it determines your value, your goodness or your future security.

This journey enables you to shift into profound alignment with your internal landscape, embracing the value of your own emotional experiences and intensity, and impacting others through your trusting intimacy and soft openness.

The Self-Attuner embodies a profound journey of The People-Manager to a place of compassionate self-witnessing and grounded presence.

In the codependent phase, you may find yourself hyper focused on future outcomes, over-exerting your capabilities, taking on the mental labor of others, or offering unsolicited guidance in an attempt to prove your competence, create “good” outcomes, and secure your value in relationships. Unfortunately, in that process, you may end up isolating yourself from true emotional intimacy and the ease of loving that arise on the other side of vulnerable openness and personal responsibility - which includes finding trustworthy relationships you feel held in.

When defaulting into The People-Manager, you may often, unknowingly or compulsively, seek to involve yourself in other people’s problems, situations, relationships, or tasks to avoid unexpected or chaotic outcomes, allowing external circumstance to distract you from your own current inner experience. This self-imposed responsibility over everything can manifest into an urgently pressure-filled, authority-taking existence, where your personal pleasure, needs and ease are sacrificed at the altar of external “achievement” (of certain outcomes) and approval.

The People-Manager is a learned archetype that exists in the mind, body, heart, and spirit. While you will have your own unique history and experiences that “taught” you this relational safety strategy, it most likely included growing up in an environment where your natural flow, experimentation, or relaxed approach to responsibility was met with criticism, punishment, or blame for the moods of a caregiver or early relationship of some kind. You may have learned to stay emotionally safe in life by taking on more than what you were actually responsible for and managing situations in order to predict & soften their future moods. In this way, you may have began attuning your focus to other the external situations of other people to avoid future emotional pain and punishment.

As The People-Manager, you may also have learned to anticipate, prevent and manage problems as a way to gain back safety, approval and calm. Obedience to staying rigidly in control and hyper-vigilant to other people’s experiences came at the price of getting to create relationships and spaces in life that allowed you to embody your own ease, softness, and spontaneity. In this way, planning for, managing or directing others felt safer than showing up vulnerably in your emotions and imperfect humanness, and risk being criticized, blamed and shunned.

The reward for adhering to The People-Manager archetype? Being above reproach by maintaining the present & future stability of the family, the friend group, the co-worker community, the romantic relationship.

Transformation into The Self-Attuner occurs when you move towards developing a consistent, day-to-day practice of self-approval and attentiveness to your own inner experiences, while relating through consensual cooperation, and trusting in shared or sovereign responsibility rather than forcing solutions, despite what the outcomes end up being or whether other’s approve or not.

Instead of micromanaging relationships, situations, or the emotions of others, you learn to attune and attend to your own enjoyment, emotional needs and pursuits in the present, in small and big ways. You also learn to lovingly detach from the behaviors and choices of other people you love. By shifting your attention inwards and exercising your own right to fully attend to your own emotions & personal resourcing (emotional, physical, energetic, etc) despite what is going on in life or your relationships, The Self-Attuner transcends this conditioned safety pattern of hyper-responsibility.

Instead, you begin to alchemize your anxiety into vulnerable intimacy while embracing the humanness, dignity and the autonomy of yourself and others, and what outcomes those lead to - rather than judging both the process and outcome as a personal reflection of your goodness, worth, or value.

Daily practices that remind you to release control and stay present to your vulnerable inner experiences, and small, deliberate steps towards holding grace for yourself and others as life unfolds, become a crucial pathway to your evolution.